By Drew Villano

Pussies of NYC: They hate their jobs, have unusually soft hands, and will flee into the night at the slightest sign of danger. They are a deep V-neck wearing blight that has infected our great city, and here are the reasons why they exist in such high numbers.

People hate their jobs all over America, but there is a surplus of meaningless and/or short-term occupations that seem more like preoccupations than careers. The willingness to settle just because the white walls of an office offers some type of stability is the beginning of the long process known as pussification. It happens to the typical NYC boy every day.

There’s also no shortage of men who want to “take women out” with quotations that connote that the date will either be as cheap as possible or paid for by both parties. Objectively, there is absolutely nothing wrong with either of these things. However, the way this usually happens is somewhat insulting; the check comes and an awkward silence ensues; the man is almost afraid to offer or ask. There’s no discussion beforehand, only a tense few moments when you slowly realize that you’ve gone out with another stingy motherfucker. Chivalry is alive and well in almost all other parts of the country, but has been slowly pummeled in NYC into a pulpy mess of stale PBR.

Then it comes to physicality; if you’re dating a NYC boy (who, lets face it, is probably not from NYC), you better hope no one tries to mug you while the two of you make your way home on a dark, late night. Most NYC boys talk a big game when speculating about how they would react if faced with a physically threatening situation, but tuck their dicks and run if this little fantasy becomes a hard reality. Not only am I speaking from personal experience but from the experiences of others; we have faced a situation in which the dude instantly goes limp, almost serving you up like a meal, when a threatening male approaches. Word to the wise: carry mace.

America has lost a great deal of its industrious nature which served as a major catalyst for patriotism (another dying concept), and at the heart of it, especially suffering from this loss of work ethic and manual labor, is NYC. We are all computers and timidity now. It is both a mental and physical deterioration that has swallowed NYC up and spit out a bunch of frightened little boys with smooth plastic nubs where their dicks should be.

One does not need to fight or lift diesel weights, bro, to avoid being a pussy. It just takes some courage, determination, commitment to standing up for oneself and others and follow through.

It seems to me that a lot of boys in NYC are either straightforward pussies or roundabout, tough guy pussies who peacock when no one is looking and cower in the face of adversity.

Or maybe I just hang out with a bunch of assholes.

Featured Image Courtesy of SodaHead

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