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By Drew Villano

Lately it seems there’s been a rash of people getting flattened into the pavement by various types of vehicles all across the five boroughs. If you’re new to NYC and having a hard time adjusting to playing the deadly game of Frogger that is crossing these city streets, here are some possibly life-saving tips on staying out from underneath some asshole’s tires.

Don’t stand in the street while waiting to cross it

I know it can be tempting to edge as far into the road as possible while waiting for a red light to allow you passage, especially when everyone is spilling and crowding out onto the asphalt as if it’s going to help them get to the super important place their super important selves are rushing off to faster. Huge buses screeching into their next stop are not driven by anyone who cares about you, and can’t stop short even if they wanted to (which they don’t). It’s particularly unwise to pull this smart-assy move on a corner with low visibility for those making oncoming turns. People slinging their shitty Toyota Camry’s around said corners like some half-assed Mario Andretti do not give a fuck about you, and are too stupid to have the foresight to even realize that someone might be standing there.

Jaywalking…

…is only okay when there are really no cars around.

“What’re they gonna do, hit me? Psh.”

Aka, your last words. Never assume anyone is going to stop for you because they “have to,” because they don’t.

Always look both ways

This is not just for cars. There are plenty of bikes ridden by assholes who go zooming up streets the wrong way. Being hit by a bike is less likely to kill you, but can injure you badly enough to prevent you from beating the fuck out of them for ruining your day.

And don’t you be an asshole… “Cross at the green, not in between.”

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