By Drew Villano

In an ideal world, cute girls could walk down dark alleyways in pasties and ten inch heels without worrying about being bothered by creeps, thieves and rapists. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world. We live in a shitty one; a shitty one where a lot of people make a profession out of preying on the small, the weak, the solitary, the foreign, and sometimes the just plain stupid. Here are some preventative measures you can try to avoid being held up at gun point.

Carrying Protection

Mace is a really, really useful form of protection. It’s small enough to fit into a pocket or purse (or between your boobs for all your titty squirrels out there), and effective enough to deter very large and scary men–unless they are on PCP.

Knives are a terrible form of protection unless you know how to use one and are prepared to do some good old-fashioned stabbing. Do you think you’re a better knife-wielder than a guy who wields knives at people for a living? If not, leave that shit at home. All it takes is one swift bend of your wrist before you suddenly realize that you’re about to be stabbed by what used to be your own knife.

Traveling Alone

Although you should always carry protection, traveling alone is the one time when it’s an absolute must. Besides spraying people in the face with a poisonous mix of toxic chemicals, you can also make yourself a little safer by carefully choosing your route. If it’s late and you’re drunk as hell, skip the shortcuts and take whatever well-lit streets you’re already familiar with.

Your drunkenness isn’t that hard to spot, so wandering into an unfamiliar area that will probably leave you with a lost look on your face is to be avoided if you want to keep all your money.

The point here is not that all unexplored territory is dangerous, but that predatory creatures can spot a weak animal from a mile away. Save the adventures for a time when you’re either with a partner or a little more sober.


If you look like a deer in the headlights who is very afraid of All The Large Scary Black Men in Brooklyn, you’re making yourself a target (and should honestly leave New York if that is an actual fear of yours, you closeted racist). At least pretend you know where you’re going and/or are comfortable traveling there. The shook get shook down.

Being Followed

If you think you’re being followed, call a friend (or the police, if you’re into that). Keep them on the phone until your phone either gets wrenched out of your hands by your pursuers or you escape from them.

The number one way to avoid being bothered by anyone ever is to be hyper aware of your surroundings. There’s nothing I hate more than when I say “Hey, did you see that guy?” and the other person’s answer is something along the indifferent lines of “Nah, I don’t really pay attention.”

Waling down a dark street? Check behind you every now and then. Watch the people around you. Who’s there? Are any of those same people mysteriously appearing every few blocks? The one time I was robbed, I wasn’t paying attention to the men in the park who were looking at me with such a suspicious interest. It was 2 P.M., so I didn’t think anything of it. Until they wouldn’t let me pass and robbed me at knifepoint. I hope they enjoyed their shiny new $15.

And for the love of everything that is holy, don’t flash your stupid iPhone around in the middle of the night. Nothing says ‘Rob Me’ like drunkenly texting while being oblivious to what’s around you.

Featured image courtesy of Your Story Club

One Response to Let’s Get Weird: Avoiding Rape and Robbery in NYC

  1. Randy Kling says:

    very good article Drew…..I highly recommend the book:”Dangerous Instincts”by FBI profiler Mary O` Toole.She has vast experience in what you write about.

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