John Moore/ Getty Images News/ Getty Images
By Jon Weidman

New Yorkers are prolific complainers. Loud and consistent. Doesn’t really matter what about – if we feel that it is even a tiny bit improvable, you’ll hear us.

There are, I believe, two main drivers behind this phenomenon:

One – we have ostensibly higher standards, due to the at-your-fingertips nature of the New York City experience. With reliable access to the best of whatever, we end up expecting whatever’s best.

Two – we think we know everything, and therefore have the right to judge anything. It’s that aggressive Nuyocentricity that makes us feel informed about everything, simply based on the size and speed of where we live.

I’m guilty of all of this. But I’ve been traveling a lot, seeing a lot of new places, and I’m starting to smell the ignorance behind many common New Yorker complaints. Here are a few:

“It’s so insanely cold!”

No, it’s not. Want to know why? Buildings. Cars. People. General urban density. When the polar vortex bought things into the single digits, everyone freaked out. I freaked out. But then a few days later I found myself standing in a completely flat and ground-bound area in Idaho. The temperature on my phone read -14 degrees. The wind-chill hit -33. A buddy of mine couldn’t get into his car because the lock froze. That is insanely fucking cold. New York City does not know cold.

“The (insert number/letter) train sucks!”

No, it doesn’t. Oh it only comes every 10 minutes? You do realize what a ridiculous amount of total trains that requires. But it isn’t as clean as your personal bedroom? No part of public New York City aside from its wealthiest neighborhoods is at all clean. This is selective and dumb. And the dumbest micro-complaint of all: it’s so crowded! Yes it’s fucking crowded because it’s such an easy goddamn way to get around town. You are not the only person using subway travel for its intended purpose. Also – you do realize that many cities do not have substantial public transportation at all? And you have to take a taxi everywhere even if it’s like four miles away? And probably drive drunk any time you want to do any drinking anywhere? Shut up.

“Cabs are so expensive/impossible to find/suck!”

Pretty much everything from the subway complaint applies here. Go to another city, where you have to call a cab and wait ~30 minutes and it costs $15 for a ten minute ride and you can’t pay by credit card and the driver probably took you on a ten mile detour because you clearly have no fucking idea where you’re going. Then shut up.

“Everything is so expensive!”

Legit, but this is New York fucking City…did you expect differently? Why does this constantly surprise you? Also, stop going to Pret and go to the deli. Your sandwich will be twice as large for half the price. There ya go.

“Everything is being gentrified!”

How much you wanna bet you’re one of the gentrifiers.

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