Girls aren’t the only ones who can reap the hangovers granted by all the free booze in NYC. Boys: You, too, can party for free…But only if you’re willing to dedicate some time and effort to it.
Use the Internet
My Open Bar is the holy grail of free booze in NYC. It gives you a schedule of every open bar in the city. The site details what cheap poisonous liquor each bar is giving away, and what time you can show up to chug as much blinding grain alcohol as possible.
Other sites such as Free in NYC and Drink Deal offer the same type of information. Consider these sites your little pre-game secret; most drink specials end early and won’t entirely satisfy you unless you’re done partying by 10 or 11 PM.
Acquire a Flask
First, acquire your semi-cheap liquor of choice. Vodka is the easiest to enhance using voodoo and other wizardry.
Next, acquire sweet-tasting fruit. Oranges, strawberries, and BubbleYum work well. Cut the fruit (or gum) up and put it in the jar. Fill jar with vodka. Put jar in fridge. Let sit two to three weeks. Skip all this if you’re a whisky drinker.
Last, enjoy your flavored alcohol. Buy a soda at the bar and pour some of your liquor into it. Now you have a not-free-but-greatly-reduced-cost-cocktail. You’re welcome.
You might not think you have enough time to dedicate to drinking on a schedule. But if you have one night a week to drink at all, you already have 50% of the requirements needed to become a party promoter.
The other 50% is having “friends” (see: girls) who will come to your parties. This shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish unless you’re a total shut-in; free alcohol is everyone’s best friend. Who would miss a party thrown by free alcohol? You’re just the middleman.
A lot of clubs are constantly looking for promoters to bring them cool, interesting young customers such as yourself (unless you’re reading this from your retirement home in Brighton Beach, sorry). They’re also more than happy to not pay you, so waiving any fees and requesting bottle service alone (a.k.a a steady flow of free booze) is music to their money-grubbing, check-bouncing ears.
Convince one of the hundreds of NYC bars (found via the craigslist ‘gigs’ section, or a friend of a friend of a seedy promoter friend) to give you one night a week promoting their parties and all your dreams of partying for free will have instantly come true.
Your only other option is to make rich, unpleasant friends who have no one else to hang out with, and let them buy your friendship. Honestly, though.